Happy New Years

The year 2012 is quickly approaching and by listening to people talk, the New Year’s resolutions this year are going to be bigger and better than ever, as befits the beginning of a new year.  Unfortunately, new year or not, some habits are easier to change than others and many set themselves up for failure with expectations far exceeding what is realistic.

Making a change in a habit caused by repetition is simple and relatively easy.  Habits which require lifestyle changes are far more complex.  The difference being a “complex” habit is one driven or sustained by an emotion, where a “simple” habit is one which has become repetitious over the days/months/years and can quickly be removed easily, effectively and usually permanently.

Weight concerns are always a "complex habit`-- one that is emotion based. You feel tired, bored or upset and you start eating. The eating is not about the desire to feed the body or just because eating is enjoyable. The overeating, bingeing, purging or not eating kicks in to minimize the unpleasant feelings being experienced.  In a way, it's the drug of choice in order to feel better.  Weight concerns, alcohol and drug abuse and other personally destructive behaviours are merely a response to lessen the `bad` feelings and replace them with `good` feelings and the behaviour is never permanent and is often cumulative.

Something like nail-biting can be a simple or a complex habit. Sometimes people bite their fingernails as a method of grooming. When this is the case, a concerted effort over several days will break the habit easily.  Other times, nail-biting is due to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, fright.....  The `core` reason must be determined in order to stop the habit.

If the nail-biting is emotionally linked, every time the distressing emotion arises, such as stress or anxiety, the person starts biting their nails. Trying to stop biting the nails at this point becomes much more difficult as the emotion drives the person to continue the habit. If you have the symptom (nail-biting), so to speak, you have the disease (the distressing emotion). Do not just try to eliminate the symptom.  

We have all heard of someone who smoked three packs a day for 20 years and quit easily, while another person who has been smoking only a few years and smokes ten cigarettes a day is struggling to quit. We would expect the heavy smoker to have more difficulty quitting. The difference is in how motivated the person is to quit and whether or not the habit is connected to various emotional activities.   

When people come to my office to quit smoking, my first question is, on a scale of 1 – 10, with 10 being the most motivated, where do you find yourself.  I will not take a client who wishes to stop smoking unless they are at least a 7 on the scale.  Hypnotherapy is not magic.  It provides the tools you need to make the changes necessary to stop smoking if that is what you wish to do.  If you expect to stop smoking because your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend......wants you to do so – you will not be successful as a `permanent` non-smoker.

If you attempt to make a change but find yourself continually backsliding, look at which emotions are occurring at the time of the backsliding and you will have found your culprit. With professional assistance you can minimize the intensity, duration and frequency of the associated distressing emotion and making the desired change will become easier.

When you are feeling happier, stronger and more in control, making a change becomes easier.

Six secrets to keeping your resolutions

1.  Be 100% committed to making the change. No exceptions. You will succeed!  The Universe is on your side and magic seems to occur when a firm commitment is made.

2. Make a change in your lifestyle that supports the change you wish to make.  They don`t have to be monumental.   If you wish to lose weight, do not buy junk food to have ``on hand for visitors``.  If you wish to make exercise a daily routine, park your car farther away from work or stores and walk that extra distance.  It works!!!

3. Focus on the benefits of being a non-smoker (save money, feel healthier, longer life) and the hassles of smoking (the cost, smell, illness, etc.). This can be applied to any habit.

4. If you find that you get "blocked" in some fashion, find a solution. Keep moving forward and do not give up.  Ask for help if necessary, but keep going.

5. Confucius said, "A journey of a thousand leagues begins with a single step." Take baby steps. Start today. Set mini-goals and rewards along the way.  If you stop smoking for 2 days and save $10 – then buy yourself something with that $10 and feel really good about having the extra money to do so.  Praise and reward yourself for each step along the way. Nothing succeeds like success, so celebrate each small success until complete success is obtained then reward yourself accordingly.  Link the idea of change to the idea of success and accomplishment.

6. Make sure the change you wish to make is personal to you and then focus on the benefits you will receive in making the change.  Enlist others to support you, to cheer you on in tough times. Be encouraged with every small accomplishment along the way. 

Most importantly, remember, you are the most important person in your life!  Not in a vain, I`m better than everyone else, sort of way.  If you are not taking care of yourself and being the very best person you can be, then you are no good to anyone around you and your family and friends need you to be all that you can be each and every day.  But most of all, you need you to be the best you can be each and every day!

                                                    
                                                           Beware what you set your heart upon
                                                                for it shall surely be yours.
                                                                                                     Ralph Waldon Emerson